Tuesday, September 3, 2013

You know how there are all those awesome families who are doing super jobs raising their kids and they're all cultured and take them to museums and the Grand Canyon and DollyWood and camping and Guatamala or whatever? 

Well the Family Es has dabbled in these things and guess what we enjoy doing together almost more than any other thing? 

Staying in a hotel. Because we are hillbillies. Except in Florida I believe the term is Cracker (post hoc ergo propter hoc: no hills), but whatevs.  It's still a fact that clean sheets, vacuumed floors, and Sponge Bob on the tv are culturally exotic for us. 

So this long weekend, I suppose we could have gone to Lover's Key State Park and done a stand-up paddle board tour to engage in Nature, or intellectually broadened my brood's very blonde minds at The Southwest Florida Museum of History, we said, "Nyah, Let's go to the Embassy Suites for free pop!"

free pop!

And we did! 

My children will remember the Embassy Suites the way some kids remember a worn family tent, with its unchanging bright canvas peaks set against an ever widening backdrop of mountains and forests where the family has played. 

i'm one of those boring moms who watches from the side and
takes selfies of her huge hair

Similarly, the Embassy Suites is pretty much the same wherever you go, and we ought to know. We have stayed there in Arizona, Nevada, Florida, Illinois, Washington D.C, and doubtless other places I'm forgetting. 

But we have never just stayed there for staying there. And it was so. much. fun. 

We left home at around 3 on Sunday afternoon, drove half an hour to the hotel, swam, swam, swam, hot tubbed,


indulged in the complimentary happy hour with pop! margaritas (the stiff kind),

margaritas (the stiff kind) bring a family together

carrots, cucumbers, hummus and pita, chips and salsa,

some Papa Johns to fill in the corners, 


do NOT try this at home or anywhere else
watched tv in the rooms and fell asleep about 9, woke up to the amazing Embassy Suites made to order omelettes, swam,

isaac and i played who wore it better

isaac won

and went home. 

And we felt like we went on a week's vacation! So much wonderfullness just to be out of your element and to concentrate on nothing but fun, for less than 24 hours. 

Total Price: 

room: $94
Papa Johns: $20

= $114

Sounds like a lot to spend to do absolutely nothing and to go nowhere, but really, once you break it down we actually saved a bundle. 

Cost for us to swim at our public pool, $20 x 2 = $40

Drinks and appetizers at a restaurant, including pops and alcohol for a family of 8 : $40, easy.

Cooked to order breakfasts for a family of 8: $60

= $120

We made out like bandits. Of course our cultural horizons remained woefully intact. But we did have loads of fun, with each other. Which, dear Web Log, is so, so fleeting, far more than a visit to The Famed Cracker House. 

Maybe next week.


  1. What a great idea! I'm gonna see if there's one near us. What do you do about the room situation since you have too many people? Do they just camp out on the floor?

    Also, what are the numbers on your arm. I am being so nosy today!

    And I just learned this summer that "cracker" is a racist term. I thought it meant being white like a cracker. But it means being the person who cracks the whip. Sad.

    Final comment - you and your hair are sooooo pretty!!!!

    1. You are a little detective, aren't ya! The arm writing is the number for Papa Johns, because that is how organized I am.

      And yes, they can just sleep on the floor, they don't mind. But ES does give you two rooms, two beds in one room and a pullout couch. But this time Peter and Jude actually drove home after dinner and slept at home. Maybe we shouldn't trust them?

      I have never heard cracker being racist, and actually have heard several accounts of its origin. On the webpage for The Cracker House" it says that they were cattlemen who would use the sound of the whip to direct cattle. But obviously there could be varying reasons. I know around here it isn't used in a racist way, for what that is worth.

    2. I was going to ask about the arm writing, too! I was certain it was a tattoo with a rich, exotic story with just a brush of scandal thrown in.
      But hey, Papa John's number is cool, too.

      I am never showing my kids this post of yours, because they will never again get excited about a camping trip in the wilds of anywhere. Oh no. Not with the possibility of a swim weekend in the air. Chlorine and free pop are absolute tops on my kids' vacation wish list.

    3. We went on a field trip in FL and learned about the "cracker cowboys"...so called because of the way they used to crack the whip at the cattle, so that is what I always thought the term meant...but there probably are other meanings I've never heard of (I've actually never heard that time),

      And I love your hair...and your idea of a vacation! Sounds like fun...and really relaxing for you...not having to cook or clean or anything. I'll have to look up an Embassy Suites. So, were the omelets included in the room? That really is a great price...was that a special deal or the regular price of a suite?

    4. That was the aaa rate, but the regular rate was just a little more. Of course, price varies throughout the year, and I think in DC it was around $250, but right downtown.

      Yes! It always includes the generous happy hour and made to order breakfast!

  2. I.LOVE.YOUR.HAIR! Would die and go to heaven to have thick hair. Mine is thin thin thin.

    Looks like family had a good time together. That is what counts.

  3. Ditto to what Christine said. Your hair! Love! And nothing, nothing is better than family time together. Awesome idea, friend! : )

  4. Sounds like a blast!
    I love how toddlers just leap totally trusting that someone will catch them.

  5. I'm positively panting over your "big hair". I cut mine last year and well, the year before that and every time it gets a little bit longish I cut it again because I hate the awkward growing out stage but your luscious locks make me swoon...this is typed in the least creepy way possible. Pinky swear!

  6. Sorry, Isaac. Mama won that Who Wore It by a mile! That shot of you two is inCREDible! You are so beautiful.

    We've stayed in our share of hotels. Sometimes they are hell (like when we lived in one for 2 weeks with4 children under 6) but sometimes they are really great. Yay for you!!

    (P.S. I think you got an even better deal than you think. I think your second total would be $140, right?)

    1. Haha!!! I know when Obi and I originally tallied it it was a lot better! I guess that is why I stopped paying the bills!

  7. Peter and Jude driving around together...still processing that one. Other than that, yes I 12th all the hair comments. And really? Free alcoholic drinks and snacks, and free breakfast in the a.m.? We are staying at ESuites next time we go to a hotel! You and Obster are just the cutest, btw...

  8. I might drive home and sleep there just like Peter and Jude! But mostly because we're in that stage where there's just soooo much gear to lug around any time we leave the house... This looks totally awesome, though!

  9. Maybe you should change your name to Snoop Lion! Hanging by the pool, sippin on margaritas! Also, you have a mane, but it's very pretty.


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