|Peter's hair: after multiple conditioning treatments his hair|
was pronounced dead.
Cause of death, pool chlorine. Goodbye Goldilocks.
Peter on Social Media
His tweet:My family goes through about a hundred water balloons a week #psychos
Listen to Jude's latest tweet, 'My mom doesn't think I can buy a fake ID off the Internet for twelve bucks #disbeliever,' Jude is such an idiot, it's UNbeliever! Idiot!
[editor's note: just what I was thinking.]
Honestly, the number one easy way for me to unfollow you on Instagram? Post a picture of your eye. Immediate unfollow, no second chances.
|Peter was proud he put a pillowcase on for the very first time|
all by he-self. Skillz only a mother could love. Jude didn't help.
Peter on Choices
Peter: Jude, get those shoes off right now, you wore them without socks three days straight and now they wreak!
Jude (sniffing): Honestly, they smell really good.
Peter: That's because I sprayed them with Hanna Montana!
Jude (turning frightening shades of color, nostrils flared, lips quivering,): Why...would....anyone...
Peter: You left me with no choice.
What's the Buzz about Peter
Transcript of actual call from actual mother found on my actual phone, everyone....swoon:
"Rebekah...It's X [name withheld to protect the preposterous]...I wanted to tell you that your son Peter is absolutely precious. You have done such a good job with him. He is so nice, polite, such a great swimmer. He is such a great asset to our swim team and everybody feels like that. All the girls are in love with him because he's so gorgeous, and I've heard even the teachers think he's gorgeous. So it's awesome for us to have him on the team. I just wanted you to know this."
[editor's note: If you know a mom out there who looks like she's struggling, and you think her kid is precious, leave a message like this on her phone. It will do wonders.]