SQT Volume IV: Stuff My Kids Say

-1-

Always desperate for playdates Momo is on a mission to bring her entire pre-K class home one by one, despite her can't-be-bothered-you-have-too-many-siblings mama. Leaving the school line she begged that her little buddy Kiki could come play, "SOMEDAY?" 

ME: Sure, someday.

Momo: (Screaming across the parking lot) Ok, you can come tomorrow!

(To me) But we are going to have to clean a little bit. 

(To Kiki, now half a mile away, spanning a crowd of better-than-me mothers)Is it ok if our house is a little bit dirty?

Kiki:(from the ever widening distance) Yeah, that's ok!

Momo:(reassuringly to me) Ok, we only have to clean a little bit because Kiki doesn't mind if it's a little bit dirty.

-Thank goodness, situation resolved-

-2-

Family prayer. Yeah. Often for us can be one of the most stressful times of day, what with the everyone all gathered so we better air our grievances, poke each other, and teach Isaac to do circus tricks (doesn't everyone play "flying" with their two year old during prayer time?)

AnneMarie: When I grow up my whole family is going to have walkie-talkies.

Me: (hesitatingly, because she is a regular generator of ideas on how to run the world better) Why?

AnneMarie: Ok, so, during family prayer, everyone goes into a separate room, then we pray using the walkie-talkies, and you can hear yourself pray.

-Yet another situation resolved-

-3-

Joseph spent one night last weekend trying to hawk his hand-crafted spoon rings at our town's yearly nighttime festival. It was gnatty out, and he came home, really, really tired.

Joseph: I'm trying to tell you something I'm thinking of, but every time I close my eyes to find it, all I see are gnats.
-whew-

-4-

AnneMarie was having one of her usual fits of "the world has commited some unforgivable grievance against me, and there is no way it can ever be made right" episodes, and I dealt with it the only way I knew how, by tickling her tummy until she cried.

A: (between gasps) S-t-o-p! L-e-a-v-e me a-l-o-n-e!
Me: Fine, but no more whining.
A: I didn't really mean stop, don't you know me AT ALL?
-I'm afraid I do-

-5-

Momo: When I grow up [That is one of our more consistent themes] my phone number is going to be 12340 so people can call me easily.

Me: Who's going to call you?

Momo: You, Daddy, Isaac and my husband. And Isaac is going to BE my husband. So deal with THAT!

-I'll deal with that when the time comes-

-6-

Peter: How do you change the screen saver on my phone?

Me: (warily) Why?

Peter: Because right now it's a picture someone took of our toilet. With a log of poop in it.

Momo: Then flush it!

-Resolved-

-7-

my kitchen. every single night at 10:45.
go.to.bed.

Peter: Hey Jude, remember that tweet you said was really dumb? Guess how many retweets it got?

Jude: How many?

Peter: One!

-Burn?-

See Conversion Diary for more quick takes and the ongoing saga of Catholic reality tv!